Ending on a HIGH by Nimbus
Nimbus sparks our minds again for Men's Health Month, this time, reflecting on the gentle spaces for men in this rigid world.
You know the drill. Light up or lighten up and take a walk with me.
Salutations and blessings to all of my fellow gardeners. June, as you know, is the month of many things; it’s the start of summer, it’s Pride month, and it’s also the month of a topic that we honestly don’t spend enough time talking about. June is Men’s Health Awareness Month.
When most think of men’s health, they start with the physical and shove the mental in a junk drawer that hasn’t been cleaned out in years. But did you know that suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the US, and over 48,000 people lost their lives to suicide in the US in 2023? Men account for 80% of the suicides that occur in the US, and have a suicide rate that is 4x higher than that of women. If we want these statistics to change, our community has to prioritize addressing men’s mental health so that more lives are saved rather than lost.
OUR MEN ARE NOT OK.
See, I have been surrounded by mostly men and boys all my life. In my family of 6, I only had brothers, and older brothers at that.
And as a proverbial plant lover, I often found myself standing or sitting in tight circles shoulder to shoulder with friends that often turned into Brothers. But, it’s wild because regardless of the environment in which we interact together, one thing that always comes up with the men in my life that I love and cherish the most is that they never feel free to fully express what’s on their mind, especially if it isn’t full of wins, sunshine, and abundance.
Our society has thrived on the narrative that men shouldn’t pause for bad days. Those bad days should be absorbed and automatically turned into motivation or fuel to tackle the next mission on their life path. But, just because that is a societal narrative doesn’t make it true and damn sure doesn’t make it right. MEN ARE HUMANS TOO.
MEN ARE HUMANS TOO.
I'm grateful that we're in an era where we're slowly hacking away at each one of these false narratives, but still lingering in the air is the search for where men can find their safe space to truly let themselves feel without harm and judgement. A lot of go-tos are sport leagues, social groups, church, a bar, or what have you. It's also summertime, so another thought could be to go outside in nature, unplug, and get recentered.
But then again, men have been told too many times to isolate and find themselves on a hike, but why would we encourage someone to be isolated when they are feeling their worst?
Men also are statistically known for shrinking their social circles as they age; who is out here ready to make new friends when they really just need an old friend to sit and listen to them? In reality, more men would share daily if there were more safe places for them to find refuge instead of judgment.
This June, I am determined to show up for Men’s Health just as much as I show up for all of the other celebrations. Here is a shortlist of tips to start a conversation that can create the space for someone to feel safe to show up and to leave knowing they matter.
Check in and be present - Be in the mindset of being ready to listen and receive.
Be the Harold that Arnold relied on - Don’t make the conversation about you. Encourage them to take up space and be the main character. Be present to support them and relate, but keep the focus primarily on them and their needs.
Nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick, nick…Nickelodeon. You aren’t Abba, so leave your judgment in your car - No one wants to open up just to be automatically judged or dragged. Remember the golden rule and give the grace that you would like if you were feeling down.
If answers are like water, don’t accept droplets - People who aren’t used to sharing often express themselves in short yes or no answers or short phrases. Take the time to ask follow-up questions or questions that will open the door for deeper explorations.
Stay ready, so you don’t have to get ready - Come up with a few go-to questions that have helped you be able to regulate your emotions or approach issues from a different angle. A few of my go tos are:
What color or texture do you feel today, and what does that mean to you?
What was the most interesting part of your day?
If you could change one part of your week, what would it be and how would you change it?
Did anything spark joy for you today or make you pause?
Always end with love - A hug on a good day can take you far, but a hug on a bad day can take you to tomorrow. Put the effort into making sure that the person you are talking to can feel the love that you have for them.
Check in on your partners, your sons, your brothers, your fathers, your uncles, your grandpops, your friends, your neighbors, and even the bartender that you always see at your favorite spot.
Because they need you just as much as you need them. It takes a village, and every single member of that village matters, and their health matters. Remember that one check-in has the power to save a life. It's June, it's summertime, and it's Men's Health Awareness Month.
If you or anyone you know is in crisis, please call, text or chat with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.